Monday, February 9, 2009

Ole King Kohls

The name says it all, really. We've all been there, usually not willingly. We've all seen their vast array for "Corona" T-shirts that high school kids wear. Admittedly, I've bought a few superhero shirts there. They don't sell small at the comic shop...wonder why? Wait. No I don't.

To the point; Kohls sells clothes that I make fun of people for wearing. They have those faux bowling shirts with the vertical stripes, y'know, the ones that the 20 year olds who still attend prom wear? Dragon shirts, things with yin-yangs, oh and don't forget the silk shirts with the 8-Ball on them.  Now, I'm no fashion expert, clearly (I'm wearing an argyle sweater), but I know what I see in magazines and on TV.

Maybe these are not accurate cross-sections, and maybe you don't like to adhere to social norms telling you to dress a certain way and listen to pop music like all the popular kids, and maybe you don't want to play football and you're organizing this totally sweet "Anti-Prom" party.

If you read that and any of it rung true; look at your shirt. There's a dragon on there isn't there. To answer your question: yes, I'm psychic, and no, I don't want to play D&D with you.

Am I being harsh and judgemental? Yes. Wait. No, not I wouldn't call it judgemental, just logical. Come on, when you show up to a bar dressed like that, people are screaming "douche" at you mentally. And where did you get JINKO jeans? Those are sweet sunglasses, and it's even cooler when you wear them indoors, adds to your mystique, I mean who know's what's in that all-cotton Matrix-inspired trenchcoat?!

While I'm yelling about styles I disagree with; dudes who swoop their hair over their eyes: stop it. Scene kids look like homeless people wearing girl pants. It's not a style, it's you begging for attention, even if it means people judging you. Do I judge people? Ha! Hell yes, I do! It's a hobby of mine, nay, a skill. If I see a dude with zebra striped swoopy hair over his eyes, I don't assume he's a psychologist or lawyer. I imagine his girlfriend is 14 (it's real love, dude, it's the real thing), and he loves movies with vampires in them because they're so dark and cool and sexy.

Why this rant? Because I still see people who do that! You'd think that it would have been a phase, but it's a lifestyle. When I go out somewhere, I dress nicely, like a big kid. I went through a phase where I wanted to wear nothing but T-shirts and jeans all the time, even if I was going somewhere nice. Sticking it to the Man, I guess. In my opinion, the Man died after high school.

Wait, hang on, I just had a thought. Maybe they think it looks nice! Hang on again, that's stupid.

In my opinion should you wear a suit everywhere? Not at all, dear friend! Take a look around you, you stand out like a naked man in a women's rights rally, and believe me, that's not a good thing (long story, we all make mistakes). You can be an individual in how you dress, but come on, look nice! It's not conformity, it's maturity. T-shirts are great and I wear them all the time, but I'm going out on a Saturday night, I'm leaving the"The Voices Tell Me You're The Crazy One" hilarious shirt at home.

This is the part where everyone in the blogging community tell me that I'm a conformist, a dick, and I just don't "get it."

Lucky for me, I have no readers, so I'm going to sit pretty in my ivory tower, judging all the douches out there.

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