See you dicks later, I'm joining the Illuminati.

I never thought it would happen to me. And who does? I mean, this is a pretty big life event.

The Illuminati want me. ME! Can you believe it?

So, what's a guy to do?  I mean, OF COURSE I WANT TO JOIN YOUR SECRET CLUB!! So I responded immediately. Can you blame me? I mean, soon, I'm gonna leave you suckers in the dust. I don't need you anymore, I don't need anyone, I just need a secret society like the one in that movie, The Skulls!! 

UPDATE 4/9 11:30pm

It wasn't long before they were as excited as I am. So they responded back, and they just needed some basic info, none of which seemed weird or scammy.

Pffsh, you want my info? HAVE IT! I'm not going to need it anymore. 

Now I just need to wait back for a response, hopefully my gun is in the mail.

UPDATE 4/10 10:30am

Things have taken a turn for the weird.

 I'd love to email Tom...but Tom is already here?