If there's 30 things I hate, one of them would be "witty" t-shirts. I also hate bumper stickers, old people, teenage girls, fuzzy boots, stick shift cars, art, racism and white chocolate. There are more to that list, but that's not what this is about. I was reading up on that jackass who shot that politician the other day. Totally sad story, makes me sick and reminds me of how frail human life is.
However, on this page there was a link to a "witty" t-shirt site (http://www.thoseshirts.com). Unlucky for me, I thought it'd be a good idea to click the link. I now regret it.
This is not me making a stance on politics; if you're a democrat, you're a pussy. It you're a republican, you're a maniac. This is just some good ol' fashioned hating on shirts. So, to begin...
Ok, I'll admit; I think this one is pretty good. Would I wear it? No. I don't dislike the President, so whatever. If I saw someone wearing this, I'd at least look at it and think "At least they're using the internet."
Aaaaand here's where you start to lose me. Look, if you think Glenn Beck is a smart fella, that's great. However, this shirt does nothing. It's completely inert. Anyone looking at this won't be all like "You enjoy Glenn Beck's television programs? I, too, enjoy said programs! Bully! Let us enjoy a meal and speak of shared interests." That's mostly because nobody talks like that. But also, THE SHIRT IS DUMB. Any passerby would look at it and think you enjoy Becks beer. Because there is almost nothing that sets it apart from the logo it is meant to have parodied. When I looked at it, I initially thought it was just a beer shirt. Then I thought about the context of the site, and figured which Beck we were t-shirting. If you really like Glenn Beck, you owe it to yourself and Mr. Beck to get a less-awful shirt.
Next up:
There's nothing says "positive political change" better than genocide and brainwashing. Seriously, people who made this shirt, THIS is the quote you put on a shirt? This is the sort of thing that newsmakers have to apologize for 24 hours after they say it...Because it's a fucking terrible quote. We should kill their leaders and make them love the Christian God? Bit harsh, don't you think? Oh, and from a fashion standpoint, nobody wears white t-shirts unless they're working out or from New Jersey. Surely, it's not going to get crazier than this, is it?
Spoiler: It is.
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HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yikes. I have nothing to say about these shirts aside from; "Fuck you, whoever agreed to have this printed on a shirt." That about covers it.
Really? Reagan? Ok, I'll give you that he was well liked by the Republican party, but c'mon. There were WAY cooler Republican Presidents. Abraham Lincoln was a Republican, that dude it way more badass than Reagan. Reagan has a highway in Illinois in his honor, Abraham Lincoln is probably in your pocket (I mean money, you're not infested with tiny Presidents).
FLASH! Fact: This is not actually the first rule of gun safety.
If you see someone in this shirt, please walk the other way and call the authorities. This person will be a felon at some point, if they aren't already. You know the guy in this shirt, long hair, bald spot, fucking loves CCR. If you accidentally bump into his fat wife, he will beat you to death with a tire iron, spit tobacco on your lifeless body, and order another beer. The person in this shirt is the reason other countries hate us.
And finally:
"I need a shirt that can really sting the liberals, but I also really need a shirt talking about my cat's balls."
-P
P.S.- I would buy 100 of these shirts before I'd buy a "The Voices In My Head Say You're Stupid" shirt. Any day.
1 comment:
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